Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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