how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
