Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
