So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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