No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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