He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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