You're my little dorito
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A+ Viking dick
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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