man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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