he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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