Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
