Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
