i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
