Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
