He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
