I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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