Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just google imaged poop.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
