Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
