I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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