Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
