happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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