It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
