I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
