Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
