I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
