He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
