Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
