Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
