his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
