Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
