well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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