I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
