Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
