Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
