We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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