i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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