jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
