Im at strip club and am horny
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
