You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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