I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have aggressive nipples.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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