I wish I could teleport
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
