apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
