Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
