did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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