we're chasing vodka with high fives
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
