I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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