She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
