I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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