if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
