I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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