you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
